The Family System
The First Son
Younger Sons
Daughters
Relationships Among Family Members
Boy-Girl Relationship
Courtship and Marriage
Before the Ceremony
The Ceremony
After the Ceremony
Wedding Clothes
Modern Weddings
Wedding Gifts
The Role of a Woman in a Korean Family
Pregnancy
Childbirth

The subjects presented here attempt to give non-Korean women who are engaged or already married to Korean men an overview on Korea's traditional culture focusing on the family. Underscoring the fact that despite the era of globalization, not to mention the World Cup fame in which South Korea has been credited for, this country (once known as the" Hermit Kingdom") clings on to its 5,000 years of homogenous culture and traditions. So, when you marry a Korean, some of  its century-old traditions are still very evident and are reinforced by conservative Korean families.                                                                                         

The Family System
In Korea, a typical family not only consisted of the nucleus family (the father, the mother, and their children), but often included the extended family as well (the relatives and the new additions to the family such as daughter-in-law and grandchildren). 
Therefore, in contrast to a typical western family that is comprised of an average of four members, when one asks for the size of a Korean family, the figure would usually be considerably higher than four. Although it is not as evident today, it was not so uncommon just several decades ago to see several generations living together under on roof as one family.

The First Son
In tradition and still in practice, the first son, called "changnam", has the responsibility of staying with his parents and caring for them the rest of their lives. 
In addition to this responsibility, "changnam" also inherits the family wealth and the family duty of ancestor worship.

Younger Sons
Younger sons often reside with their parents after their marriage but only temporarily as it is not their duty to remain with their parents. Depending on circumstances, the younger sons are free to leave their family whenever they feel is the right time. Younger sons eventually establish their own household referred to as "changnam" or the little house. 
The oldest son's household is called "keunjip" or the large house. As one can imagine, a traditional Korean family could get quite large with the first sons' wife, the younger sons' wives, their children, and even a few of their relatives. (back to top)

Daughter

The life of a daughter in a Korean family is considerably different from that of a son. 
The primary difference between a son and a daughter is that a daughter would have to leave her family and move into her husband's family once she gets married. So when she gets married, she is referred to as "shijip kada" or literally " going to the in-law's house." 
If she gets married to the "changnam", she would move into the "keunjip" whereas if she marries one of the younger sons, their living arrangements would depend on the family's situation. 
But one thing for sure is that once the daughter gets married, she ends up permanently leaving her natal family. Therefore, she literally becomes an outsider to her natal family as well as to her husband's family because she is of a different descent. 
But usually, the birth of her first child strengthens her relationship with the husband's family because if the newborn happens to be a male, it would ensure the family's continuity for another generation. (back to top)

Relationships Among Family Members       
A husband and a wife have different roles in a household. Traditionally, the wife's role would be to take care of the family within the boundaries of her home whereas the husband's role would be achieved outside the boundaries of his home. The husband is considered to be the head of the family and is regarded as the source of authority. It is expected that children respect and obey the wishes of their parents while it is also expected that the parents treat the members of the family in a fair manner. Deference to superiors and elders is definitely present in a household and order is maintained through this deference and obedience. So children would obey their parents, the wife the husband, the younger sibling the older and so forth. All this is derived from filial piety, one of many Confucian virtues. The large extended family is becoming less and less common during the more recent years but the roles and relations within the family remain largely unchanged.

Boy-Girl Relationship
According to the traditional Confucian ethics, a boy and a girl must be separated when they turn seven. This shows that physical contact between a boy and a girl was absolutely prohibited in Korea. Unlike Western culture that underscores the importance of growing up stages--from childhood to adolescence and adulthood, this is simply missed out in Korea. Thus, boys and girls grow up not being spontaneous with each other. Romantic love is alien as the basis of all relationships is derived from Confucian system. Thus, love and affection between man and woman is rarely expressed openly, not even between husband and wife. (back to top)

Courtship and Marriage                          

In Korea, the marriage between a man and woman represents the joining of two families, rather than the joining of two individuals. As such, the event was often called Taerye (Great Ritual), and people from all over participated. Steeped in traditional Confucian values, the ceremonies and events surrounding the actual marriage were long and elaborate, from the pairing of the couple to the rituals performed after the ceremony.
Professional matchmakers paired up likely candidates for marriage, with the new couple often meeting for the first time at their wedding! The families considered many factors in the decision, consuting with fortune tellers for predictions about the couple's future life together. During the Chosun period, people married in their early teens, with the girl often being several years older than the boy.
The groom usually traveled to the house of the bride for the ceremony, then stayed there for 3 days before taking his new bride to his family's home. The actual ceremony involved many small rituals, with many bows and symbolic gestures. The participants were expected to control their emotions and remain somber.
Although Koreans have kept several aspects of the traditional ceremony, most modern ceremonies resemble Western marriage ceremonies more than traditional Korean ones. However, many folk villages and museums across the country regularly perform ceremonies to keep the traditions alive.

Before the Ceremony

Eui Hon (Matchmaking)
 The process of finding a prospective wife or husband for ones child usually involved the services of professional matchmakers who would gather information about local unmarried people and their respective social levels, education, and family lineages. The matchmaker would match prospective partners and have their parents meet each other. The parents would also meet the prospective mate for their own child, but the future bride and groom would not meet each other at this time. The groom's family would send a proposal of marriage to the bride's parents, who would either accept or decline the proposal on behalf of their daughter.

Napchae (Date Setting)
After the proposal was accepted, the groom's family would prepare a Saju, which specified the year, month, date, and exact hour of the groom's birth, according to the lunar calendar, and deliver it to the bride's family. White paper, 40 cm tall and 90 cm wide, was folded 5 times evenly, and the Saju written in the middle, then put in a white envelope. Rather than sealing the envelope, the groom's family wrapped the envelope in bamboo branches then tied it with red and blue thread. Finally, the entire package was wrapped with Sajubo, a wrapping cloth with red fabric on the inside and blue on the outside.

Based on the information contained in the Saju, a fortune teller determined the best date for the wedding. The bride's family then sent a Yeongil to the groom's family that stated the wedding date and inquired about the groom's body size.

Napp'ae (Exchanging Valuables)
Before the wedding, the groom's family sent presents to the bride and her family in a box called a Ham. Additionally, the Hamjinabi (person who delivered the Ham) and a small group of close friends of the groom also took a pot of Bongch'i Deok (red bean rice cake) from the groom's family. The bride's family would have a small party for the group, offering them food and drink for their efforts. The ceremony of delivering the Ham has evolved into a major event for friends of the groom, with the bearers "selling" the contents of Ham to the bride's parents. (In recent years, the groups have become very boisterous, demanding large sums of money that they promptly spend on alcohol.)

The Ham usually contained 3 items. The Honseo (marriage paper), wrapped in black silk, specified the name of the sender and the purpose (marriage) of sending. It symbolized the dedication of the wife to only one husband. The wife was to keep this document with her forever, having it buried with her when she died. Ch'aedan was a collection of red and blue fabrics, used to make clothing. The blue fabrics were wrapped with red threads, while the red fabrics were wrapped with blue threads. The two colors represented the philosophy of Eum/Yang (Yin/Yang). The Honsu was a collection of other valuables for the bride from the groom's parents.
 

The Ceremony

The day of the celebration finally arrives. Members of both families and the local villagers come out to watch the ceremony. The various aspects of the ceremony each have deep meanings and symbolism.

Ch'inyoung (Wedding Parade)
Traditionally, weddings took place at the house of the bride's family. The groom usually rode a horse or pony and his attendants or servants would walk to the bride's house, or wherever the wedding was to take place. The attendants often played musical instruments to make the mood more festive, although the groom had to remain grim faced and hide his emotions.

Jeonanrye (Presentation of Wild Goose)
During the procession, the Girukabi (person leading the way) held a single wooden kireogi (wild goose). Upon reaching the bride's house, the Girukabi gave the kireogi to the groom who then placed it on a small table. After bowing twice to his future mother-in-law, she would take the kireogi into the house.

Gyobaerye (Bowing)
This often marked the first time that the bride and groom saw each other. The groom and bride each had two attendants who helped them throughout the ceremony. First, the groom walked to the east side of the wedding table. Then the bride walked to the west end. The groom's helpers spread a carpet or mat out for the groom, then the bride's helpers did the same for the bride. The bride and groom then faced each other across the wedding table. The helpers washed the hands of the bride and groom. The washing of their hands symbolized cleansing themsleves for the ceremony.

With the aid of her helpers, the bride bowed twice to the groom. With the aid of his helpers, the groom bowed back once to the bride. The bride then bowed two more times to the groom, who bowed back once more. They finished by kneeling down and facing each other. The bowing represented the promise of commitment to each other.

 After the Ceremony

P'yebaek (Bowing to Husband's Parents)
Immediately after the wedding, the bride met with her new parents-in-law. This ceremony took place in an area of the main living room sectioned off with a folding screen. The groom's father sat in the east side, while the groom's mother sat in the west. The bride bowed to them four times, showing her respect to her husband's family and ancestors and expressing her loyalty. She often presented them with a small gift of food.

Shinbang (Bridal Room)
The bride and groom would retire to one of the rooms of the house specially decorated for the occasion. Outside the room, relatives would use their fingers to poke small holes in the rice paper covering the windows so they could watch what happened inside. Ostensively, they did it to make sure the bride did not run away in frustration. As the grooms were often much younger than the brides, they often did not know what to do.

To help the young couple along, servants from both families started getting them undressed by removing the outer layers of their wedding costumes. The bride's servant began removing the groom's jacket, while the groom's servant removed the bride's jacket. After the servants left, the groom had to finish undressing his bride, while she offered no help to him.

Wugwi (Bridal Procession)
After three days, the bride and groom would go to the groom's home, which was usually the house of his parents. The groom rode the same horse or pony that he brought to the wedding, while his servants carried his bride in a Kama, a small palanquin. Near the groom's house, neighbors scattered red beans, cotton seeds, and salt to keep away any evil spirits that might have followed the procession. Additionally, the groom's family placed sacks of grain and burnt straw and the threshold to the house that the bride had to cross. In addition to keeping out evil spirits, the practice also represented a wish for a good harvest brought on by the joining of a new family member.

Hyeon Gurye (Introduction to Husband's Family)
Once in the groom's house, the bride was formally introduced to the groom's entire family. This ceremony resembled p'yebaek, but was usually less formal. (back to top)

Wedding Clothes                         

Traditionally, commoners wore white or subdued clothing except for special occassions and festivals when they wore bright, festive colors. As marriage represented the most import event in a person's life, the participants were allowed to wear clothes fashioned after the costumes reserved for members of the court. In addition to the clothes, they also wore ceremonial head gear. The groom wore a black hat, while the bride wore a veil covering her face until halfway through the ceremony. Additionally, she wore a long hair pin. (For more information, see the Traditional Clothing spotlight.)

Bride's Costume
Wonsam or Hwalot
The bride wore an elaborate topcoat with flowing sleeves over her other clothes. Similar to the costume worn by queens and noblewomen of the time, a Wonsam was made with blue silk on the inside and red silk outside. The front and back had embroidered flowers representing wealth, longevity, and nobleness. The billowing sleeves had blue, yellow, red, fabrics, with a wide strip of white at the cuffs, which also had colorful embroidery.

The wonsam replaced the hwalot during the Chosun Dynasty (1392-1910), and many brides followed suit. Princesses wore green ones. The wide sleeves often had 4 or 5 colors, with wide white strips at the cuffs.

Daedae
A daedae (belt of red woven silk with gold embroidery) was wrapped around the wonsam or hwalot and tied in the back.

Jokduri (Ceremonial Coronet)
The Jokduri was fashioned after a cap used by Mongolian women when they went outside the home. The Korean version became smaller than the original size and is used mostly as an accessory. Jokduri worn by royal family members contained 7 different colors.
  
Yongjam and Daenggi
The bride's hair was pulled back tightly and tied at the back of her neck. A yongjam (long hairpin with a dragon head at one end) was placed through her tied hair. A dot'urak daenggi (a long, wide piece of dark silk, embroidered with gold lettering) attached to the jokduri and hung down the bride's back. A thinner ap' daenggi hung from each side of the yongjam, resting along the front of the wonsam.

Dangui and Hwagwan
The queen, princess, or wife of a high ranking government official wore a dangui during minor ceremonies in the palace. Women of the Yangban (noble) class also wore it as a wedding costume. It was usually made with green silk outside and red inside or purple silk outside and pink inside. The costume had narrow sleeves and a half-moon shape on the bottom hem. Similar to the jokduri, but more ornate, a hwagwan was worn for a headdress with a dangui.

Groom's Costume
Called Samogwandae, the groom's costume closely resembled the clothes worn by the lowest ranking court officials during the Chosun Dynasty. The color and belt decoration symbolized the person's position within the court hierarchy. As marriage represented the most important event in a man's life, the groom was allowed to wear this uniform, even though he did not hold any position in the palace. (Those of higher rank would wear different clothes during their own marriage ceremony).

Paji and Cheogori (Traditional Pants and Jacket)
The paji had wide legs as baggier pants were more comfortable for sitting on floors than narrower pants. Two straps of cloth (called Daenim) bound the cuffs of the paji around the ankles. This prevented the cuffs from covering up the boots. A cheogori was the traditional shirt worn by men of the time.

Dalryeongp'o (Jacket)
This jacket, usually of blue or maroon color, contained an embroidered picture (hyungbae) of two red crested white cranes on the middle of the chest. A gakdae (belt) tied the dalryeongp'o together, similar to the bride's daedae.

Completing the costume were a pair of black cloth boots (Mokwha) and a samo (a stiff cap with "wings" on the sides). back to top

Modern Weddings                               

These days, weddings are usually held in public wedding halls.  the wedding is usually officiated by the bride or bridegroom's teacher or any distinguished person. Amid music played on a piano or tape recorded, the bridegroom, wearing a Western-style suit, enters the hall where guests are seated and stands before the presiding person. The bride, dressed in a Wesern wedding dress, enters and escorted by her father, takes her place by the groom. Facing each other before the officiator, the bride and groom exchange vows and gifts. The officiator usually gives a lengthy homily on love, social duty, and life in general. Then the bride and groom bow to the guests and the ceremony is over except for the picture-taking.

Wedding Gifts
When Koreans are invited to a wedding ceremony, they prepare a white envelope with money in it (amount depends on the bride and groom's social status-ranging from 30,000 won up). Marriage gifts are not common except very close friends. Most of the guests give a white money envelope to a receptionist at the wedding. The host makes a name list of all the people who give an envelope. If the host is invited to weddings of sons or daughters of guests, the same amount of money is usually given to them. Weddings are big family events so Koreans give this 'congratulation money' to help pay for the expenses. (back to top)

The Role of a Woman in a Korean Family    

The traditional role of a Korean woman is one of submissiveness. The Korean culture is hierarchical and the woman's role is one of maintaining harmony in the household and avoiding conflict. When a woman marries, she accompanies her husband to live with her in-laws and spends much of her life caring for her in-laws and her husbands' needs. To have many sons is highly regarded in this culture because the sons bring into the family their wives. Parents live with their sons' until their death; power is equated with the number of sons in a family and it is considered "shameful" to depend on daughters. This role changes with childbirth, though, when the mother-in-law will tend to the needs of her daughter-in-law during delivery and a month long lying in period after birth.

Pregnancy
A woman knows she is pregnant when she misses her "monthly"; she tells her mother-in-law first, her husband and then her mother. Thereafter, the whole family assists in tending to her needs. She is taught to look at "beautiful things" and focus on what is good. All that she thinks, sees, and eats are believed to influence the shape & features of the baby. "The right mind with the right thoughts" is promoted; she does not look at 'dead' things - flowers, animals and the like. She eats only things that are unblemished and items are selected first for her ," crooked apples" or "broken pieces" are not given to her - "what
Mother eats, feels, thinks - baby eats, feels, thinks." As an example a woman would not eat duck during her pregnancy because its' webbed feet may show with the baby. She would not eat tofu, because "it falls apart too easily". During pregnancy, a woman's knowledge of other family events will be limited to ensure she reflects only on what is "good".
The pregnancy is foretold by a dream that an elder member of the family will report. When the pregnancy is announced, the dream is analyzed by the elders for its meaning and confirmed by "pictures in the mind" of the child's' future. The elders will note that if a woman's abdomen is "sticking out roundly, it is a girl, if it is flat all around, then it will be a boy". The day of conception begins the child's age, so that at birth, the child is considered a year old. One hundred days after the birth the family and town celebrates - the child has survived an important timeframe. The next large celebration is on the 60th birthday - living 60 years is considered a "full circle", a full life.

Childbirth
After the birth of the child, a straw rope is tied at the doorframe of the house to announce the birth. It will have chili peppers laced within if it is a boy, if it is a girl, charcoal in intertwined. This signifies to others to "stay away" for awhile. The mother drinks seaweed soup as her first meal and years later when disappointed by the child, it is common to hear a mother reflect "to think I ate seaweed soup for you". Men await the news of the delivery together in another location; the mother-in-law, mother and elder women of the village will attend to the laboring mother. She is given a cloth to bite into and ropes will be hung from the ceiling for her to hang onto to help her with pushing. Silence is encouraged; all body energy is focused into "chi" - "so you can do whatever you need to in the fingertip you have all your strength." During the last few months of pregnancy, the woman's abdomen will be bound to support the weight of the abdomen.
The placenta is saved - burned and the ashes kept. As the child grows, during periods of illness, mother will use the ashen powder in a liquid as a healing potion. The father-in-law names the baby; the name carries a "wish" for the child's life and is usually two syllables - all sons will have the same syllables and more than 100 years worth of names can be traced and repeated as the elder deems. Generational clues are in the family name. Large families mean large manpower - "blessed with boys" is a familiar refrain to those that have only daughters. If the mans' 1st wife has no sons, he takes a concubine and her children become assets to the 1st wife - the concubine does not appear in the family history.
For 30-40 days after birth, the mother is excused from work while she recuperates and "the body is made whole again". She is taught not to put her hands or feet into cold water, she is not to go outside and partial baths are given. After her lying in period of rest, mother will carry her baby piggyback - baby faces mothers' back - their hearts are aligned.

                                                                                                                               

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Related articles:

Yejeol 365: A Complete Guide to Understanding Korean Manners and Etiquettes: http://www.ye365.or.kr/

Mate Selection and Marriage in Korea: http://www.uah.edu/colleges/liberal/education/S1998/afj.html

Korean Wedding Expenses:  http://www.geocities.com/lesliebarclay/article6.html

Customs: http://www.pusanweb.com/culture/customs/index.htm?/culture/customs/customsmain.htm

Korean Culture: http://business.baylor.edu/Phil_VanAuken/kcul.htm

Family Structures and Relatives: http://www.ktnet.co.kr/enghome/culture/family.html

Child's First Birthday: http://www.lifeinkorea.com/culture/tol/tol.cfm

60th Birthday: http://www.indiana.edu/~easc/pages/easc/brochure/koreanspeaks/60th_birthday.htm

Rites and Rituals: http://www.korea.net/learnaboutkorea/society/cus-rit.html